Root for your friends
42 comments
·May 23, 2025ketzo
For a long time, I’ve been this person for other people, but don’t feel like I have anybody to do this for me. That’s okay — I don’t feel bitter about that or anything. And I don’t wanna overstate what a good friend I am or whatever, I just do this a decent amount. But some part of me does wish I had someone celebrating my wins.
This:
“No one comes to mind? Maybe you haven’t really trusted anyone with your wins yet.”
really, really hit me for some reason. I’m pretty averse to praise/congratulations — even if I feel it’s deserved! — so I don’t really share my wins with people. How can I expect to have people hype me up if I don’t let them in a little? It’s obvious when I write it all out but I kinda can’t believe how long I’ve been operating this way.
Anyway, great post!
darth_avocado
> For a long time, I’ve been this person for other people, but don’t feel like I have anybody to do this for me.
For the longest time I was this and unfortunately I got bitter over time. But then a couple of years ago I got back into the mindset again. A few bad years later I realized that the more happy you are for your friends, the more happy you are. Do it for yourself and nobody else.
danielrm26
Why not both?
protocolture
Ditto.
What gets me is when I have a few times found the people I am hyping for are actually putting me down, or selling me out to management.
rez0123
I’m so glad that line helped. It was a last minute addition, and I was thinking about how so many of my friends just don’t share the awesome stuff they do with the world. Share more!!
foobarbecue
In my first few years on the job, I would fill out peer evaluations honestly. We have peer evaluations where you rate people out of 5 on various performance elements like "innovative" and "leader" or whatever. Then I survived a couple of rounds of awful layoffs where really good people lost their livelihoods.
Since then, I put 5 out of 5 on everyone for everything always, and say something nice in all the boxes.
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echan00
You are essentially your network. Laugh where you want to laugh. I think this is great advice. Anybody who is bitter of your success should not be part of your network.
fancyswimtime
legit thought this was about giving root priv to ur mates
shermantanktop
Just had a friend leave their company. They had formed a really strong network of people within that company who were in constant contact. This helped them succeed in a lot of ways.
Sounds good? It was, except...most of that bonding was based on lowkey negativity by a set of people who felt powerless, complaining about how others were terrible. Some in this network went down a rabbithole of resentment and are still there. The reality is that yes, there was lots of stuff to be grumpy about.
Rooting for your friends is great. But people sometimes bond over wishing harm for their foes. Shared trauma does that. I personally try to avoid that mindset.
josephg
> Rooting for your friends is great. But people sometimes bond over wishing harm for their foes. Shared trauma does that.
Yeah this is way too common. And it’s not just trauma which does it. I think it’s its own psychological trap. I think the trap is a self reinforcing cycle of a few thoughts:
1. Other people are bad at things. Look at all the things others do which have flaws! You must be better than all those dolts.
2. You tell yourself you could do something better - but if you try, maybe it’ll have flaws too. Then you’ll be just as bad as anyone else. Uh oh.
3. So you don’t do anything creative, or take responsibility for anything. But you need a reason to tell yourself as to why you’re not doing anything.
4. It must be because other, idiot people stop you. Change is too hard. Doing anything would be “fighting against the system” or something. See point 1.
And the trap is closed. The only way to escape it is to do stuff that you’re bad at. And if you do that, you’ll find all the faults in your own work and feel terrible about yourself.
I think the bottom level of almost any company is packed with people who have this mindset. It’s a disaster on every level. And it’s quite resilient and contagious. People like that are always a little afraid that somebody will call them on it. So they need others to agree with them that staying small is the smart move.
Avoiding them is definitely a smart move. I’ve taken to sometimes needling people like that, just to rattle the cage and see what happens. That mindset can’t survive in the sunlight. “You’re so right about those flaws! Wanna help fix some of them?” / “I think your idea is wonderful! So what you’re saying is if we got Bob on side, you think we could do it? Let me help - I’ll set up a meeting. With the two of us, I’m sure he’ll come around!”
zdc1
I've met a few people that I like to describe as "walking Reddit". Chat with them and they'll always have a story or gossip that's engaging and somewhat infuriating or rage-inducing. One was a colleague who would telling me all the questionable and unkind things the managers in other teams were doing.
I eventually realised that these interactions weren't joyful... they were easy conversations, but they were also demoralising and lowered my energy. These days I try to "manage" my conversations with people like this by steering the topics and (gently) setting boundaries on what I don't want to talk about.
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spongebobstoes
I largely agree, this is a great way to support your friends.
I would add to bias towards praise, but still be honest and judicious. People know when they hear empty words, and it's important to be trustworthy.
rez0123
Yeah i only put the one line in there that talks about that: > people who are honest to your face and praise you behind your back.
I could have emphasized that more.
huevosabio
The way I try to do it is: if you think something nice, say it
wewewedxfgdf
I kinda had this maybe assembled in my head in an incomplete bits and pieces way but this really brought together the concept I love it.
Whoever wrote this post is really rocking with the clear human thinking.
rez0123
Thank you
pram
I’m not trying to be controversial but this behavior seems to be very hard for a lot of men. I’ve noticed it a lot in my life that guys are far more willing to “circle the wagons” over petty slights, and alienate people over it. Then their ego doesn’t let them back down, and they just get more bitter from the (obvious) outcome.
I’m guilty of it myself of course, but it seems like there is some kind of naturally adversarial behavior baked into me. It literally just makes things worse is the funny thing, and I already know this. But sometimes I cant stop it. Life would be easier and better if we were all collectively friendly hypemen but alas.
anonu
I believe in this. Just don't get onto to the corporate hype train.
irrational
I forgot for a moment what website I was on and expected the link to be about the board game Root and getting your friends to play it with you.
ianburrell
I thought it was about giving SSH and sudo to your friends.
hughdbrown
I thought it was a peevish Kiwi joke about how people of other nations do not use words as they do.
anotherevan
"root" means something quite different as a slang term here in Australia. I head to read the title several times.
yonatan8070
I was thinking it was about ways to securely give friends root access to your home server
null
Someone I'm "friends" with, recently confessed to me that they very much enjoy watching me fail. I was genuinely surprised because I love watching people win, but I dug into it a bit and apparently it's very common, people really do love to see other people have setbacks, but the research I read seemed to indicate it was more prevalent in friendships, people seem fine with other people getting a head if they don't know them personally. Apparently it's also considerably more common than not for friends to want their friends to fail, or at least take pleasure in their failures. This was all news to me till about a week or so ago, and I'm old.
Some reading:
https://www.researchgate.net/publication/43119265_Envy_and_S...
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Self-evaluation_maintenance_th...
https://www.scribd.com/document/796080571/Document-2