Always Invite Anna
20 comments
·September 23, 20259x39
This is also good advice if you're sensing people aren't as part of the group or team anymore, you...make them part of it again. Putting forth the effort (which may not be returned) of coordinating and including people is often the price of keeping a group together that you're leading or invested in.
p1mrx
Why Anna, and not a thousand other people in the area? She must've done something to enter the group in the first place.
mardef
Why not everyone invite a different Anna?
I think the moral is for everyone to be individually a bit nicer, not one friend group to support an entire community.
chrsig
You're sort of answering your own question. It was a matter of proximity. The thousand others were a greater distance in the initial conditions.
DrProtic
Happy you shared this, such a heartwarming story.
tandr
Thank you, a very heartwarming story indeed.
I think you just have coined a new saying - "Always invite Anna" sounds intriguing, and yet at the same time very descriptive.
poolnoodle
This warmed my heart. Happy I read it.
deeg
We need more heroes of kindness.
ge96
That hero image I believe is from Lost in Translation
Which has an interesting scene the x-ray machines I think were flying overhead on these rails going between rooms
the_af
Yes, the header is from Lost in Translation.
numbers
this reminds me of a friend who we've excluded from the group b/c of the age old advice of "the worst they can say is no". Well, we invited him to everything at first it was either no responses or late responses like "sorry was busy with work".
The whole friend group took their turns and attempts at inviting him.
It sort of stopped altogether when we started getting responses like "hey, don't call me without scheduling a call with me before" or getting a text 3 days later "hey what's up, I don't want to hang out".
He's a workaholic and believes his work is the most important thing (he switches jobs every 6-9 months) so the whole friend group has now just stopped trying.
For context, this has been going on for 10 years and about a year ago everyone stopped trying.
xg15
I think there is a difference between making it clear to a person they'll always have the option to join - and pushing that person to join.
Anna in the story did not express regret that she never joined. And as far as we know, Alexei wasn't expecting her to take his invitations either - because it wasn't about actually getting her to go to the party, it was just about communicating to her that the "we've stopped inviting you to our group events because you always say no" moment never happened and she was still a part of the group. That was what she had appreciated in the end.
On the other hand, what your group attempted seems more like a concerted push to change the person's behavior. Most people would probably reject that if they want to stay in control of their own plans.
squigz
What? The group's behavior is basically just being a group of friends and inviting another friend?
xg15
Well, I read that part like it was coordinated: "The whole friend group took their turns and attempts at inviting him."
But yeah, might have misunderstood.
In any case, the guy made clear he didn't really want to be part of that group, so then I wouldn't keep asking him either.
cultofmetatron
>For context, this has been going on for 10 years and about a year ago everyone stopped trying.
frankly I'm a little jealous.... I can't imagine anyone, let alone a whole friend group, putting in that level of effort to stay in touch with me. I would probably disappear from everyone's imaginations if I didn't regularly reach out to people.
squigz
I was all ready to respond and defend this guy, but... yeah, no.
All advice has limits. In this case, "telling your friends to schedule their calls with you" is that limit... and then some.
nrawe
It's a great message, thanks for sharing.
outside1234
This is some of the best advice you'll ever get about building inclusive teams and making people feel like they can approach you about anything.
If you can approach them and get rejected each time, then surely they can approach you for advice on how to approach a problem.
huflungdung
[dead]
Thanks for sharing this! It made my day a little brighter.