I Asked Four Former Friends Why We Stopped Speaking-Here's What I Learned (2023)
10 comments
·August 4, 2025avereveard
hinkley
Diverging values I think is why it’s not a bad thing that marriage is being postponed closer to 30 now. Promising to be with someone forever when you don’t even know who you or they are yet is wishful thinking at best and lying at worst.
If we ever find a way to delay puberty without delaying formation of the prefrontal cortex, I think humanity will be in for a better time. You’ll get a few more years of being able to have kids after you know who you are.
mmmlinux
a. people change b. you moved to Kenya.
readthenotes1
Amazingly, even though this is perfect fodder for a self-absorbed attention-seeking post, it's actually quite good, focusing on the different perspectives people in a relationship have as contact fades
rado
In Summary – What Was Learned • Friendship loss in adulthood is common and often tied to life transitions. • Direct communication with an ex-friend can be enlightening, even if the relationship doesn’t restart. • Personal growth often comes from understanding your role in the ending—not assigning blame or regret, but acknowledging patterns. • Reconnection does not guarantee reunion, and in many cases, the value lies in what you learn about yourself, not whether the relationship is revived.
rendall
> "But eventually, we broke away—you, to join the funny kids, a group of hilarious and friendly people who could match your unparalleled wit and high-octane energy...
That is not how people actually talk in real life.
> ...and me, to join the kids at the back of the bus, literally and figuratively.
People really do not make other people the main character like this. "My crew were shy introverts who were hilarious once we got going" is how people describe themselves: more description, adjectives and familiarity. "You were doing your own thing with the party crowd" is how people describe others: vague and sparse in descriptive detail.
This passage inverts that.
windowshopping
That jumped out at me too.
rambojohnson
was expecting to find boring navel-gazing solipsism, was not disappointed. one can easily see why the group drifted apart.
Life Transitions 4
Lack of mutual effort 4
Diverging values 3
Miscommunication 2.5
Geographic distance 2.5
Emotional disengagement 2
(Since article is lacking a conclusion - or the conclusion is a weird direction, "should I talk to my ex" - I guess I'm not the target demo)