Want to meet people, try charging them for it?
47 comments
·June 30, 2025wodenokoto
HPsquared
If it's free, people are suspicious and judge the cost to be something implicit, generally with a higher expected cost than $1. On the other hand if you make the cost explicit, people are more comfortable.
It ties in with the story in Freakonomics about the daycare that started to charge a small "fine" to discourage parents picking up the child late, with the effect that these incidents happened more often. Because the cost went from implicit (shame, etc) to explicit (it's only $10).
scott_w
I'd be careful of inferring too much from things like this, particularly given how much criticism Freakonomics has received. One example from Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=11eTG4_iwqw&pp=ygUVZGVhdGggb...
> If it's free, people are suspicious and judge the cost to be something implicit, generally with a higher expected cost than $1. On the other hand if you make the cost explicit, people are more comfortable.
To address your point explicitly, if someone believes the cost of a hug is higher than $1 ("higher than expected cost"), then offering one for $1 should trigger a similar suspicion in your head.
Think about it, if a stranger offered you a free Porsche, you'd rightly be suspicious. Would you be less suspicious if they offered that same car for $500?
Nevermark
I don’t think your example carries over to hugs.
Porsches are worth big money. The “costs” for hugs are more of a social calculation.
I expect that the act of taking a small social good that would not normally be available, or even allowed, but is being offered for free, feels subtly wrong.
“Why would this person give me X for free?” Makes us feel uncomfortable. We feel we are not seeing something, or perhaps freeloading. Which prompts a subconscious threat or status calculation, not a simple cost calculation.
But being able to pay for it suddenly fits a common pattern, even if the “product” (hug or conversation) is novel.
wanderingstan
Counter to Freakononics, my friend’s daycare in SF right now charges parents $2/minute for being late. So it seems to work for them. (Or it works because the cost is relatively high?)
bravesoul2
Free hugs? Yeah probably going to be churchy!
sroussey
Moms giving free hugs at gay pride really brings some tears as some kids get abandoned by their parents.
taneq
One time my daughter fell (OK she did something silly and jumped) and hit her head on a metal pole at a science center (she's fine, it was just a couple of stitches). My wife took her to the hospital, and (mislead by the confusing signage) accidentally parked in the ambulance parking area directly out front. Later we collected the car and saw a parking ticket. On seeing that the fine was $40, I've immediately joked "oh, OK so premium parking is $40, nice."
Although, given this is in an area where streetside parking can be $20-$30 for a couple of hours...
dotBen
The best way to get rid of junk is not to put it outside your house with “free” on it. It’s to put “$10” on it. Someone will steal it.
bravesoul2
Ah no. Gumtree free means 10 messages in the next 30 minutes. 1c or higher = ghost town.
alias_neo
I experienced the opposite a few years back.
My wife and I were moving city and needed rid of some perfectly functional appliances and furniture.
We listed it all for free because we needed it gone quick and the cost of taking it with us was too high.
When by the next day we'd had one enquiry from someone who didn't turn up, we changed tactic and switched everything to £1.
Within a day the entire lot was gone, people turning up with copper coins from their piggy bank which we told them to keep.
One fond memory of that was a student looking guy who came to the door for the dining table, I opened the door and greeted him, extending my hand for a hand shake, and he looked confused for a couple of seconds, didn't say a word, then reached in his pocket for the money and held it out. Never had anyone misunderstand an invitation for a handshake before or since.
walthamstow
We get the opposite on FB marketplace. £0 gets you a load of weirdos, scammers and unreliables, £5 gets you mostly normal people who will pick it up when they say they will.
em3rgent0rdr
Similarly, people think FOSS software must not be as good as proprietary software because it's free.
tormeh
Yeah. Knew a guy who used to say open source is for poor people.
ttb-2134
Hahaha, so true. There's always good and excellent FOSS. Sticking to open source forever :)
bravesoul2
I think the opposite!
KolibriFly
Funny how slapping a price tag on something can instantly change how people perceive its value
Chris2048
I'd personally pay to witness the chargrin
BlackFly
Author notes that there is still a standing offer to answer questions for free "if time allows" but doesn't get any inquiries. I believe this shows that it isn't due to fame or the payment making the author seem more legitimate.
Instead I think that the payment creates the expectation that the inquiry will be answered and when someone expects an answer they are more willing to inquire. When the consultation is free or "time permitting", then it might simply be refused but making the inquiry itself isn't zero cost for the individual and their mental calculus makes it not worth asking. The mental calculus is, "What is the person getting out of this interaction and why would they choose to answer me but not someone else?" When it is financial you can see that you are equal to everyone else and you see exactly what the consultant is getting out of it.
KolibriFly
When there's a clear transaction, people feel entitled (in a good way) to your time
Davidzheng
This makes the most sense to me too
jpalomaki
It's a similar as described in Freakonomics book.
Daycare was annoyed with parents picking up their kids late. They introduced a fee for this. As a result, late pick ups increased.
Something that was not considered to be socially acceptable, became more acceptable when you put a price tag for it.
Almondsetat
It's a peculiar turn of events I must admit, but I don't think that having those viewership numbers and an easibly reachable email and not getting contacted is actually common.
poisonborz
Title is a bit misleading, he became a popular academic/author and the proceedings are for charity. Once you are well known, you can charge for a lot of things, especially if it's for a good cause.
trainerxr50
The title is ridiculously misleading when people are donating to charity.
Cthulhu_
The weird part is that when he was well known, nobody reached out to get the "lot of things". I think it's because a lot of free stuff comes with a catch - free internet for one month, catch is you're stuck on a year long contract. Free consult but the catch is you're in their systems now, agreed to something in the small print, and you now get cold calls to sell you stuff. Free social network but the catch is your data and personal photos are used for marketing and training AI.
But charge $100 and that's it, that's all the strings attached. Straightforward transaction.
cheschire
That’s how it used to be but there’s a trend of more companies double dipping now and justifying it by saying they would charge MORE if they weren’t allowed to attach all those strings.
thenthenthen
I just did a workshop at a small non profit. There were 3 people who came there to meet me to chat about other non related opportunities and projects. We charged a small amount, 5$. It was not advertised or told (not by me or leaked through the topic of the workshop) that I would be there, nor am I famous. They came specifically for me, not the workshop (but did participate in a good way). Not sure what to take away from this, other than that it was really nice!
KolibriFly
Sometimes the "signal" we put out is way more visible to the right people than we think
Thorrez
How did they know you would be there? Did you ask them how they knew?
thenthenthen
Oh good one! One through a friend of a friend of a friend. I will ask the others haha.
thenthenthen
‘Coincidence’
landgenoot
My experience with blogging and being easily reachable is that you mostly get people with very specific questions/problems. Not someone who is interested in meeting you.
amelius
Maybe try video blogging about fitness or fashion and cosmetics.
Unit327
This sounds like the same behaviour from introducing fines for overdue library books or being late picking up children from day-care. It goes from a social olbigation or question ("Do I want to bother the day-care people by arriving late?" / "Do I want to bother this blogger and ask for their time?") to a financial transaction.
KolibriFly
There's something oddly liberating about making the implicit social cost explicit; it gives both parties a clear structure
daedrdev
If you charge money successfully it signals you are legit enough to get others to pay.
volemo
Also when I see a cool person, I think my stuff is not good enough to waste their time, but if they charge for it, then it’s a deal.
pyman
Do people pay for knowledge or attention? Because let's be honest, most of the podcasts and books out there already contain more knowledge and wisdom than anyone needs to be successful in any profession.
fn-mote
People pay to go to school where there are teachers that “make you work”.
Some people claim it’s gatekeeping or access to the brand name of the school, but I think it’s more than that.
Most of them know they won’t read the (text)books and learn on their own. Even though the knowledge is available. I guess the money is for the transmission of the knowledge.
bawolff
The thing about wisdom is its pretty hard to transmit, there are no quick fixes, so people end up fruitlessly chasing it.
Kind of like how some people will do one get rich quick scheme after another despite none of them working.
KolibriFly
It's like a shortcut to perceived credibility
lewantmontreal
LLMs made things a lot easier but before them I wished there was a stackoverflow but paid, so you could pay someone for an answer if they happened to have specific information.
You could kind of emulate it by buying stackoverflow upvotes, then placing that as a bounty. Its not exactly money but it made it more comfortable (and successful) than hoping someone answers for free.
moffkalast
SO bounties were kind of useless though weren't they? Timespans far too short for anyone with the right knowledge to notice besides professional bounty hunters, in the end you had to either give the sum to someone who didn't do the job or take the loss.
avipars
There was a site called earn.com which charged to email notable people (VCs, etc). They got acquired by coinbase and the site has since shutdown.
This reminds me of video that went simi viral a decade or so back.
Not sure how much of it was staged, but the creators went to a public place and stood next to some “free hugs”-people and then put up a sign “Premium hugs $1” and apparently collected more hugs to the chargrin of the free-huggers.