The Texan Who Built an Empire of Ecstasy
62 comments
·May 4, 2025edweis
WalterGR
The author's Wikipedia entry: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/William_Leonard_Pickard
ativzzz
MDMA is so fun. It's something I would love to do once a year or so for the rest of my life. Unfortunately it seems that people can't really grow up and do drugs responsibly. People either hard pivot away from drugs early on because they were abusing them, or they go down a path where drugs define them. The only way to keep getting good drugs that I know of is to keep in touch with friends on the latter path, but I don't really want to associate much with them.
Same with weed, it seems most people I know either quit smoking completely, or do nothing but smoke weed. I'm in my mid 30s.
Where the responsible casual adult drug users at???
el_nahual
We exist! I took MDMA for the first time in my late 30s.
What a fun, and joyful substance.
I took it as an adult: while partying, with my wife, at festivals.
Responsibly (test it first!). Not too much. Just a couple times a year.
I love it and has made my life better. But I'm glad I waited to "do drugs" until I was older and my brain and personality were a bit more settled.
My favorite thing about MDMA is that, while the experiences you have while on it are of course an "altered state of mind," those experiences are still your experiences.
I did, in fact, experience seeing my wife dancing freely and openly under scintillating lights and thinking: "wow."
I did in fact experience seeing two of my best friends talking with each other in a quiet corner of the festival and realizing "I love these people. They are special."
And because those experiences are real, they unlock a "register" which is now available even when stone cold sober.
A few weeks ago I was totally sober, in the middle of the day, when I saw two friends of mine (brothers) walking together having a discussion. And in my "MDMA" register I thought: "how special brotherhood is."
I'm certain not everyone who takes MDMA has experiences this good. I've been in spectacular settings and my age has afforded me the luxury of taking it with a good mindset.
But it's pretty fucking cool.
Aurornis
> Responsibly (test it first!). Not too much. Just a couple times a year.
MDMA fans will argue this on the internet, but MDMA use (even without polydrug abuse) is associated with cognitive deficits in memory and learning. There’s a lot of experimental evidence showing it has damaging effects on neurons.
The damage done by a drug like this wouldn’t necessarily be obvious or even at the level to pass the threshold of significance in a scientific study after one or a couple doses. However, there isn’t much debate even among drug users that taking MDMA frequently produces some profoundly debilitating effects on long-term users.
I think everyone should be aware that it’s very likely that each MDMA dose is incurring some level of damage that is either long-term or potentially permanent. A couple sessions at moderate doses might not produce strictly significant effects but it’s amazing how quickly people go from “a couple times per year on special occasions” to having 20-30 exposures over a decade or two, which starts putting them beyond even the inclusion criteria for most light use studies that were performed.
EDIT: Also note that using DIY testing supplies on your pills is great practice and necessary in the age of fentanyl, but it’s not definitive. The only real way to test is to ship some of your pills off to one of the groups that tests for free and wait months for the results. Pills can contain multiple substances. There is a problem right now where one of the “research chemical” manufacturers has produced a large batch of a compound that is normally used for lesioning (damaging) serotonin neurons in lab studies. It has recreational effects, though, so it’s being sold as a drug. There’s concern that vendors will start mixing it into pressed pills to cut them with an active substance.
amanaplanacanal
Likely all amphetamines are neurotoxic the same way MDMA is, but we still use them for many things, including adhd. As a wise man once said, the dose makes the poison.
And as we know alcohol is carcinogenic and there is no known safe dose, but people still drink.
valec
dosed reasonably (~125 mg with no redoses), ideally at lower ambient temperatures, and ideally with an SSRI at the end of perceptible effects to stop MDMA to keep circulating through the neuron and causing oxidative stress, you will quite literally see 0 axonal damage. maybe some neurotransmitter depletion, but this is only temporary.
PCA yes that is concerning but I would be extremely surprised if it ended up in the MDMA supply chain. MDMA is made cheaply at quantities several magnitudes higher than research chemicals. it's much more likely PCA will be sold as a cut for others RC's -- especially as a part of those dreadful cathinone soups labelled "3-mmc" these days
serjester
I would love to see some studies on this because everything I've seen is either rats that were exposed to truly insane doses (10X more than a human would take) or among long term, heavy users (weekly).
I don't necessarily doubt that there's some level of brain damage going on, but the extent is poorly understood and likely over exaggerated.
neilv
> I think everyone should be aware that it’s very likely that each MDMA dose is incurring some level of damage that is either long-term or potentially permanent.
In school, I knew a very smart person who got into drugs, especially MDMA. They later got clean, but when they got brain imaging done for some reason, a doctor who looked at it said they could tell the patient had done a lot of MDMA. Reportedly, the damage was visible on the imaging, and it was characteristic.
I'm sorry that my friend had to learn the hard way, and I'm glad that I was always too scared of drugs to try any myself.
qoez
Thank you for being the necessary but resposible buzzkill in conversations like this
dingnuts
> it's amazing how quickly people go from “a couple times per year on special occasions” to having 20-30 exposures over a decade or two
a couple times a year is 20 exposures over a decade. were you trying to demonstrate an escalation? did you mean 20 over a year?
yobid20
So I was a heavy user. Every weekend, up to 5 pills a night, for years through college and into early 20s. This was back in the late 90s early 2000s. Now I am in my 40s. Top rated software engineer by my peers, sharp as hell, getting even sharper every year as my knowledge still grows, described as a true 10x expert engineer because of how much I do and code circles around everyone else. I am not saying this to brag. My point is simply that if there were some sort of permanant damaged cognitive effects, it never affected me like that. I never had any negative side effects ever. Or perhaps there was and I could have been the next Einstein but damaged myself to be where I am now. Guess I'll never know. I havent done again since I was around 22 or 23. It just stopped being enjoyable to me and everyone else I knew had already moved on past the party phase of their lives.
Also, a weird coindidence, during the heaviest usage phases, those were also my highest grades during college.
Do I regret using it so much? Not really. That was probably the happiest I've ever been in my entire life. I have very good memories , some of the best I've ever experienced. Often I think back I wish I could go back and do it again. Being an adult and getting old simply just sucks.
HaZeust
Was about to call my old dealer; cheers
bheadmaster
> I did, in fact, experience seeing your wife dancing freely and openly under scintillating lights and thinking: "wow."
That's not cool, man. How would you feel if someone looked at your wife that way?
el_nahual
Thanks. Fixed it. Meant "my wife."
frudyputy
[dead]
nkrisc
Fortunately in many states now you can just go to a local dispensary and buy weed. I usually get edibles because it's better than inhaling smoke. Now for me it sometimes replaces an evening beer, usually just 2.5mg or 5mg for a light buzz. You probably don't hear much from casual users because we're not talking about it because it doesn't define us, any more than a morning cup of coffee does.
Whether beer or weed, I'm usually having it after the kids are in bed and I'm just chilling before my bedtime.
As for other drugs, I don't bother simply because I'm not interested in getting involved in the illicit drug scene. I don't have time for that.
spicyusername
can't really grow up and do drugs responsibly
It's more like a genetic lottery. If you didn't get the right set, there is no such thing as responsible use, only abstinence or destruction.
The challenge for society is how to grapple with this genetic inequity.
Zero tolerance would probably be best for everyone, at the expense of the entertainment of some. It would also be impossible to legally enforce and seems to result in abusive policing and organized crime.
Laissez-faire would fix the above problems, at the expense of those genetically predisposed to addiction, which is a significant percentage of society, and which has been shown to have horrible social side effects in terms of crime, mental health, child abuse, and mortality.
It's a hard problem.
rickandmorty99
I'm not sure. My parents are heavy drug abusers. All my grandparents were alcoholics.
The only thing I'm mildly addicted to is coffee and I roll once every 2 years on mollie.
A few differences:
1. I've been pushed hard to do education. I did and became way more science-minded than anyone in my family.
2. I've seen the effects of drug abuse on my parents/grand parents. I was anti-drugs until 21.
3. I opened up experimenting when I was 27. All my parents/grand parents got hooked between the ages of 13 and 16.
kgwxd
Sounds more like you've just bought into some over simplification of genetic effects on addictive behavior. It's definitely not all or nothing for everyone.
WalterGR
What's MDMA's addiction risk profile and therapeutic use potential vs. other "party drugs" such as - say - cocaine?
jpalawaga
Molly addiction risk: low. Once your brains serotonin is depleted, the drug stops working, and the hangover isn’t really something to be avoided.
Cocaine addiction risk: moderate. Similar to alcohol. Most people won’t end up otherwise a bonafide addiction but some will. Its use is inherently addictive, most people do not have just “one” bump and then go home.
Molly therapeutic use: still under research, but extremely promising in helping to resolve ptsd and other similar issues. Potentially other uses, too.
Cocaine: used as an anesthetic. It can also be used to reverse the effects of some other drugs in emergency situations (I.e. canceling out a downer, or other situations where you need a burst of energy)
throwup238
> The only way to keep getting good drugs that I know of is to keep in touch with friends on the latter path, but I don't really want to associate much with them.
It’s a lot easier to get drugs without connections than it used to be. A couple hundred bucks of Monero, the tor browser, and a DanceSafe testing kit with fentanyl strips is all you need.
> Where the responsible casual adult drug users at???
Quietly getting high and not broadcasting their drug use. There are a lot more than you think. I was recently surprised to find out that one of my childhood friend’s parents, who I had considered to be the most straight laced and/or puritanical family in the community, regularly drink magic mushroom tea that the church sound guy buys for them off the dark web. Once you include prescription medication, the number of people high on something on any given day approaches 100%. People be trippin balls, yo.
Aurornis
> Once you include prescription medication, the number of people high on something on any given day approaches 100%
100% of people are not on prescription drugs. Most prescription drugs do not have euphoric or “high” producing effects.
Even among drugs with recreational effects, people who take them as directed at therapeutic doses will not be “high” when using them regularly. The person who has taken the same dose of Adderall daily for ADHD for a decade isn’t buzzing and getting things done like someone taking their first 10 doses they borrowed from a friend. The chronic pain patient on a stable dose of a opioid is certainly not feeling a buzz, just temporary relief from their pain. The recreational effects are short lived.
We need to stop this false equivalence between people taking medication and people being “high”.
amanaplanacanal
Caffeine and alcohol are both pretty popular, and I would guess the majority of adults take one or the other or both. I'm willing to be educated if someone has numbers.
throwup238
Great point, I didn’t mean to make that equivalence and that last line was made in jest.
In my defense, I haven’t had my coffee with Bailey’s yet (cough :).
treetalker
In the USA and many other places, one is not allowed to do what one likes with one's own mind. (For those who haven't gotten the memo.) Whether that's right or wrong, potential legal consequences alter the in vacuo definition/calculus of "responsible use".
If one decides that legal consequences are no matter, and if one disregards the consequences of any effects on others, then another option is to find or grow one's own. Indeed, in some but not all jurisdictions, magic-mushroom spores (for microscopy purposes only, of course) are perfectly legal to possess and even mail. For non-plants and non-fungi, the analog, I suppose, would be to thoroughly master practical chemistry and synthesize whatever one wants for oneself in a home laboratory.
None of this is legal advice, of course. Don't break the law. And carefully examine and consider past, present, and future life choices.
P.S.: I see many other comments mentioning that weed or other drugs are "legal" in certain states. Don't be duped: many of the substances they refer to are still illegal federally. Federal law is distinct from state law. The federal government's policy (if any) of not enforcing certain laws does not mean it can't or it won't. Again, none of this is legal advice.
Aurornis
> Where the responsible casual adult drug users at???
The majority of alcohol drinkers fit this description: Occasional, casual use in very moderate doses.
However, as I’ve gotten older I’ve been surprised at how many people I know grew to fit your description: They either diverge toward consuming a lot less of a drug or abstaining completely, or they get trapped into an escalation where they do it too much, too often, or at too high of a dose.
Even the people who I considered the most discipline and responsible users grew up to have a period of problematic use that they didn’t see coming.
I have a friend who worked in the rehab field for a while. He said if you took a look at their patients without knowing the context you’d never guess their common problem was drugs. People from all walks of life get trapped in abuse patterns.
Some go from stable use to an abuse spiral when triggered by a stressful event: A divorce, breakup, or difficult quarter at work. Some spiral when they enter a new friend group that pushes it and makes access easy. Others spiral out of control when they hit depression or even a period of boredom.
At this point in my life I even know one person who spiraled deeply out of control on classic psychedelics, which many on the internet will claim is impossible or “something else must be going on” because it goes against typical drug use wisdom. Yet it happened and it’s a problem.
Side note: Much has been written about MDMA safety in recent years but the neuroscience people I know state in no uncertain terms that they will never touch that specific drug due to neurotoxicity.
rickandmorty99
Some drug info teams at festivals told me I'm the most responsible drug user there is when I told them that I take MDMA at most once per year but preferably less.
Also the test lab I come into were excited to see me when I came in to test DMT.
But I prefer to do it in private with a close friend, or two. I've done it twice at festivals (MDMA). In both cases, while it was fun, it was also quite chaotic at times.
Countries where you can test your substances [1].
awithrow
Come to Denver, while there are plenty of folks that fall into both of the categories you lament, there are plenty of occasional adult users too. I suspect its a combination of both the legal status of both weed and natural medicines as well as the music scene. I have many friends who enjoy the occasional trip and you would never know from a casual conversation.
KingLancelot
[dead]
If you are interested in the topic, you can check the autobiography of the biggest manufacturer of LSD in history: "The Rose Of Paracelsus" by William Leonard Pickard [1].
It is both poetic and fascinating. It's not an easy read but I recommend it.
[1] https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/28930020-the-rose-of-par...