Ask HN: How do I escape homelessness after rebuilding my mental health?
244 comments
·March 18, 2025kaikai
I’ve been homeless and am now an employed engineer, so I know it’s possible to make the leap. You can’t make it in one go, though.
Get a better job, that can get you stable housing. I don’t know the job market in your area, but try looking for temp agencies. They will do a basic interview and help you find something that uses your existing skills. Until you get stable housing and your basic needs met, focus on what you can do with the skills you have now.
Seconding what others said about going to the library. In my community they serve almost as social workers, and have lists of places like food banks that can help you until you have better employment. Your county will also have resources for you; you can get on the waiting list for housing vouchers (they’re years long, but just in case), get food stamps, get leads for programs local to you.
Yes, it’s possible to end up with a tech job. There’s a big gap between where you are now and there, though, and having stability in the short term will help you get there.
ty6853
If he switches from contract/1099 to a wage job I wonder if child support will start garnishing the fuck out of it. This is the black hole a lot of people get sucked into and end up having to start their own business to buy some runway because the courts very much enjoy kicking non custodial parents in the teeth to the point they cannot get one foot on the ground.
kaikai
Supporting their kids is one of their responsibilities. Child support is income-based. I haven’t had to navigate that system so don’t have specific advice, but I’m not going to support someone dodging child support.
ty6853
It is based on imputed not actual income, unlike taxes. Hence say someone getting taken hostage by terrorists will owe back support and be jailed upon their release [0].
The tax analogy would be the IRS thinks you should be better at stocks, maybe on the basis you had a few good years, then taxes you for that this year instead of your bad gains due to luck/depression/whatever.
https://greensboro.com/ex-hostage-jailed-in-child-support-ca...
s1artibartfast
Just because it is income based doesnt mean it is appropriate and set at the right rate, or even in the child's interest.
If someone can't afford gas or tools to work, then the child suffers more.
Even if it isnt the norm, traps and perverse situations abound.
anon743448
I agree but sometimes system is setup in such ways that you can never reliably support your children.
I have met a few people at work who feared jail time whenever there were rumors of restructuring or layoffs. Even with their tech salaries, they had no money leftover for emergency fund. And if they don’t pay child support, they’ll go to jail. How are they supposed to support their children from a jail?
indymike
You have to pay to go to court to get child support lowered, resulting in really unjust outcomes for homeless people. I'm not sure that someone who spent a year on the streets is in a position where they can pay this month's child support, let alone the last year's back child support. This stuff is crushing to even think about.
6stringmerc
Not in Texas, it’s most often ruled upon based on income expectations.
endofreach
It's not like the government is taking the money though... usually it goes to someone who is arguably deserving. So i feel "kicking in the teeth" seems inappropriate.
I also fucked up because of taxes many times and just recently a big bad "surprise" hit me. But it's not like it was not my failure of responsibility.
john_moscow
No point in setting yourself on fire to keep others warm though.
cafard
Did his Ask mention child support?
flocciput
This is really the only comment here with any weight to it. Congrats on making it out of homelessness.
card_zero
Yes, because the crappy agency job means colleagues, who will be in similarly reduced circumstances, and you can ask them for advice, especially about a cheap place to live.
Breza
> get food stamps
Great advice all around, but I'll emphasize this part. SNAP is becoming a de facto indicator of eligibility for all sorts of programs, from reduced price transit passes to Medicaid, depending on the state.
soared
Ignore 95% of comments here. Research your options for local support through the government and religion. Religion may be more helpful in your area, even if your beliefs don’t exactly align. There is housing, food, etc available to you but you’ll likely need a social worker for help find it.
https://switchpointcrc.org/ is local to you with food, shelter, etc.
More info from a gov source: https://sgcityutah.gov/business_detail_T18_R270.php
https://switchpointcrc.org/how-to-get-help/
The local access points to the coordinated entry system provide the assessment, information and referrals, and other resources to the person seeking housing.
Stop by or call for more information 948.N 1300 W. St. George, Utah 84770. 435-628-9310
prewett
+1, definitely. Social workers are there for exactly your situation. There are generally state programs for housing, housing assistance, food, and health care, which they can help you locate. You paid for this previously with your taxes, take advantage of them now. They are probably also aware of other religious / independent options. They may be able to advise you on whether moving somewhere like SLC, which has local tech, might or might not provide more support.
Unfortunately, the tech market is not great right now, and I think remote freelance rates are fairly low right now. But, in your situation, you can probably offer very competitive rates while still building up some savings. Once you have some savings (six months to 1 year is usually the recommendation), it gives you a lot of margin of safety, and you can reduce your usage of the government assistance.
hluska
I’ll hijack this a little with a question. Why do you think you’re qualified to tell OP to ignore 95% of the comments? That’s a lot of ego to bring to something so important…especially when you give the most superficial advice.
null_name
Probably because programmers aren't generally also social workers, who help people like this day in and day out, with essential local context. Source: my partner does social work, I'm a programmer, and I'm now aware of how little I know here.
tarkin2
Great, thanks. I would have valued your post more if you'd stated this. Unfortunately it just looked like you said "All these people are idiots and I'm right".
kelnos
Not the person you're replying to, but I think most opinions here on what to do (including my own) won't bee that helpful. While there are some people who post on HN who have been where OP is now, there are not that many, and those of us here who are financially secure and have never been close to homelessness probably have no idea what we're talking about when it comes to finding stable housing after having lived in your car for a while.
thatcat
Accurate in Utah, large Mormon population. My car broke down there one time and spent a few days hanging out with the locals - very nice people.
colechristensen
I have helped people navigate government programs and the quality varies. The are often plagued with perverse incentives, abysmal administration, and ridiculous requirements. It can be worth trying, don't get me wrong, but the much better advice at this point for this person I really think is along the lines of finding better employment now that isn't freelance/gig-work to support a home and then building to what's next.
susiecambria
This.
And 211: https://211utah.org/, 888-826-9790. They also have chat and text capability. 211 is "the most comprehensive source of local resources and services in Utah."
OP, good luck.
quickslowdown
I have a spare laptop I could ship, it's running Linux now and cannot "officially" run Win11. It's a little older, Lenovo X1 Carbon with a chipped case & wonky touch bar for the Fn keys, but it works perfectly fine.
If you're interested and want to drop a way to contact you, I'll figure out a way to ship it to you. Otherwise, as much as I loathe sending you to Facebook, the local "buy nothing" groups another commentor recommended sounds like a good place to start.
Good luck!
eraviloi
Use General Delivery, it is an elite USPS hack.
Breza
A great service. Commonly used by long distance hikers.
erikerikson
Not sure about elite but this works to get mail without an address
jasonjmcghee
(to the top) take up this very generous person on the offer and start using their laptop. you've said in a number of threads using the desktop is the biggest hurdle - so use this laptop.
kureikain
I had a Macbook Pro intel. I can ship it as well. Drop your email to me.
_throw123away4
Im in a similar situation as op. If he doesn't take this up, could I?
reactordev
I’ve been there. I lost my marriage, my house, my money, my parents, my job, everything. Literally $100k in the hole with $0 in the bank.
Sounds like you know how to survive, which is perfect… here’s what you do. Ditch uber/lyft and get your CDL. They’ll pay you and train you and give you a job. Plus, you get a nice sleeper truck to sleep in that’s more spacious than your car. (If you have the cash, an RV works instead)
Take the income you make and pay off all your debts using the snowball method. If you don’t have debts, use that money for classes/school/training to get back into the field you want to be in. 6 months to a year and you’re back on your feet, apartment, furniture, money in your pocket, a future to look forward to.
Stay strong.
bryanlarsen
From what I hear many of the commercial driver's license training & job programs are scams of the indentured servitude type. You owe them for the training and they keep on adding on penalties and fees so you don't get out from the debt. I'm sure there are some good ones out there, just be careful.
ics
It depends, the programs offered by companies are definitely a risk and many of the independent schools are predatory in their own ways. Many states and cities may have their own free or low cost programs to get into the industry for low income folks. However the bigger hurdle will be the behavioral health history. Such history may be disqualifying for those programs; even more likely if you are taking medication; more if your medications are a banned substance. If you're not currently on medication but have any medical record of being prescribed or diagnosed with a mental health issue at any point then be prepared for a great deal of pain. Then begins the kafkaesque ordeal of finding medical practitioners who will work with you through the process instead of just tossing the hot-liability-potato. (Source: me, a recent CDL permit holder who happened to experience some burnout in the past and not simply ignore it.)
reactordev
Many require a contract of a year to reimburse training costs. You can leave before then by just paying the difference. Many who claim its servitude aren’t saving their earnings and can’t hold a job longer than a year. In the end though, read the contract. Never sign anything you can’t commit to.
dvsfish
I feel like this would be great advice if "CDL" was unambiguously googleable. This might be regional but I have no idea what this is meant to mean.
Nezteb
Commercial Driver's License. Other countries might have their own terms for it: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Commercial_driver%27s_license
qgin
Commercial Drivers License
null
kerkeslager
Second result for me is "commercial driver's license" on both Kagi and Google.
yieldcrv
There is no shared reality on those search engines and on google there hasnt been for almost a decade
hluska
Try:
“Define:CDL”
Where I’m from at least, commercial drivers license fills the first two pages.
ryuker16
It's truck driver certification.
gwbas1c
> What would YOU do in my situation to break the cycle?
I would start by getting in touch with extended family, friends, and anyone who trusts me enough to lend me a couch. Then I would make sure that my footprint on said couch was as small as possible. (IE, I'd make sure not to leave a mess.) Finally, I'd be very open about my search for employment so they're constantly assured that I'm actively working on becoming self-sufficient.
For example, my cousin divorced her husband and put a restraining order on him. He ended up moving in with his first wife while he gets his life back together.
---
Assuming someone I know was in a similar situation, my ability to lend them my couch mostly depends on the risk they bring into my household. In the past, I avoided a college friend because he became a heroin addict. I'd give my nieces and nephews a lot of leeway in this situation; and the same for my cousins' children. Older cousins and adult friends would require closer understanding of the situation.
I would seek to understand if alcohol, drugs, (or other vices like video games) contributed to the situation. Substance abuse is not something I want around my family, and it's not something I'm comfortable helping someone else manage.
conorjh
fuckin lol at the video game comment, id also check if hes into skibidee toilet while youre at it
culopatin
Maybe I’m late, but I’ve been poorer than having a car, in a country with fewer opportunities, not to say that gives me any creds, but whatever.
Get a job that’s not freelance u til you have a home. Restaurant, retail, mechanic shop, whatever that gives you a w4 and a group of people that aren’t assholes.
Reasons: looks good when signing a lease
Likely to get some sort of health insurance I think? I had it in all my w4s in the US. Group of people to start interacting with, you never know what comes out of that. I think out of the options given, retail is the worse for that, but may give you access to bigger companies.
After hours you can do thumbtack like IT for people at home that don’t want to to go geek squad. Old ladies, whatever. I built a pretty decent group when I was younger and it paid pretty well with very low mental effort.
The car is never a good investment unless you work on it yourself. A DIY oil change is $37, at the shop 120 in my area. If you’re living in a car you can’t afford that, so start thinking about dropping uber and Lyft when you can. You could get some used tires for now, otherwise I wouldn’t buy anything but the cheapest Walmart tire.
Sell your desktop. Put it on fb marketplace, get something out of it. You can get a working laptop for almost nothing, unless your pc is ultra undesirable.
Reach out to recycling places, explain your situation, they ,might give you one at cost. If not, eBay, fb.
Take care of your body and looks. Shave, shower, trim your nails, comb your hair or just get a buzz cut, don’t tell people you live in your car unless you’re close to them. Back in Florida $10 at planet fitness or whatever it was called would get you access to a shower and you could also do some exercise that’s good for the mind and the body, maybe there is something like that near you.y
kevinmershon
1. Ignore the haters.
2. Sell or trade in the desktop for a laptop. Portability and space is your friend. Join a local Facebook "buy nothing" group, and ask for a trade or someone's spare old laptop. Any mobility improvement is a win.
3. Immediately make a free account for Salesforce's Trailhead program https://trailhead.salesforce.com/ and start learning everything you can. Badges can be added to your linkedin, and you should go heavy down the path of force.com development if you can.
4. Once you have a few badges, polish up your linkedin (and resume) and start spamming recruiters for salesforce positions.
The ERP/CRM world pays very well but almost all platforms have a stupidly high barrier to entry, EXCEPT Salesforce. You could have a $100k/yr job in a few months if you follow this path, and then branch out to Oracle or NetSuite or SAP from here.
edits (consolidating advice here for posterity):
I should add that ERP/CRM consulting is largely remote friendly and your prospective employers/consulting firms will probably not give a rip where you live. They never did for me.
Find a coworking space (NOT a chain one like WeWork) in your town. Talk to the owner and explain your situation, ask for a month or two discount while you get your bearings and attend every meetup they have or know about. Meet everyone, tell your story, share your skills. A small community will help take care of you in ways a Chamber of Commerce chapter will not.
If you are not religious, look for an Oddfellows chapter. They may be a resource to you in a similar way as a church congregation.
And if you have skills but they are outdated, you're now competing with every unemployed junior, fresh grad, and old coder on the market. Update your skill set, and ideally focus on skills that are in higher demand and with higher barrier to entry or with a captive audience/market. Differentiating will help with jobseeking.
For extra side income, attend garage/yard/rummage sales and focus on books. Books are great to flip, because you can immediately appraise the quality, scan the ISBN number to find the going rate, and only buy it to flip if it's worth enough.
japhib
Sorry to hear about your situation.
Since you're in Utah, I'm going to suggest you find a bishop to ask for help. Even if you don't belong to the LDS church, I _think_ they might be able to help you out. Go to https://maps.churchofjesuschrist.org/ and find a church service to go to on a Sunday morning, and before/after the meeting, try to figure out who is the bishop/counselors and tell them your situation. It may depend on who you get, in which case you can always try other wards/buildings/areas.
Good luck!
femto
If he's going to go the religious route, there's also 'Vinnies" (the St Vincent de Paul Society). They exist exactly for the purpose of getting people back on their feet and are pretty well everywhere, including Utah:
It's a Catholic agency, but they're agnostic, in that being Catholic is not a prerequisite and they won't ask about religion or try to convert you. It's a case of walking in the door of their premises and asking for help, or picking up the phone and talking to them.
henryfjordan
I met some engineers who worked for LDS at a conference, maybe they'll even have a job for you!
DamnInteresting
My professional resume looks a lot like yours. If you find yourself in the SLC area anytime soon, I have a 2012 15" MacBook Pro I can give you. It's older, but it's solid, it works great. The only exception is the battery, it doesn't hold a charge for very long any more, so it needs to be plugged in for prolonged work sessions. A new battery is only about $90 if you're inclined to replace it.[1]
Best of luck moving forward.
[1] https://www.ifixit.com/Guide/MacBook+Pro+15-Inch+Retina+Disp...
revnode
> I drive Lyft/Uber full-time
Stop driving Lyft/Uber. It's for those who don't have any skills beyond driving a car.
Sit down and determine what are the skills that you currently possess that are the most valuable on the market right now. Then sell those to the highest bidder.
My two cents, that isn't a job.
> I know I can earn 3-4x more doing freelance tech, but I can’t do that from a car.
Yes, you can. That's a limiting belief; it's just holding you back. All you need is a laptop. Need to make a meeting? Go to a local cafe. Nobody will even notice. More importantly, if you're doing remote contract work, perfectly acceptable to ask a percentage of the total upfront. That will go a long way to get you out of a car and into an apartment quickly.
> What would YOU do in my situation to break the cycle?
1. Stop driving Uber, stop renting motels, stop paying any bills, bring my costs down to near zero.
2. Start taking on as much contract work doing "freelance tech" that I can find, with as much paid upfront as possible.
3. Once I have 10k in the bank, rent an apartment and start cleaning up whatever mess is left.
4. Start making quality of life decisions. Maybe you don't want contract, but want a job? Maybe a nicer laptop? Closer to your kids? Live your life.
#1 is the hardest, because you're risking everything on your ability to deliver. You have to believe in yourself.
gremlinsinc
I only have a desktop. I thought about getting office space from the chamber of commerce for 250 per month... and I can use their fridge to save money on food (Greek yogurt, Jimmy Dean sandwiches, and string cheese is all I need)...
kaikai
Don’t rent an office space. You dont have the runway to make that work given the current tech market. Focus on getting a solid enough job to get you actual housing. Temp agency, county jobs program, take anything that will pay you a living wage and provide stability.
revnode
> I only have a desktop.
Sell it. It's a paperweight for you right now. You can find a really nice open-box/used laptop for $300-400 that will allow you to work from anywhere. You can charge the laptop at a cafe or a library. $5 for coffee and you have a working space to take calls and work.
hn_acc1
DC-AC Inverter will let you run the laptop from the car as a last resort..
kevinmershon
Chamber of Commerce is swimming with other hungry sharks. You'd be better off finding a coworking space (NOT a chain one like WeWork). Talk to the owner and explain your situation, ask for a month or two discount while you get your bearings and attend every meetup they have. Meet everyone, tell your story, share your skills. A small community will help take care of you in ways a CoC will not.
jameswatling
Kiln just opened in St George, I have a dedicated desk, but they have non dedicated desks for I think $150 or so, and has more amenities (and free snacks/coffee to save a little on food costs)
asdf6969
Is this a joke? Genuinely the worst advice I have ever read on this site.
> Start taking on as much contract work doing "freelance tech" that I can find
Why do you think he could find any?
pavel_lishin
> How do I climb out of this? What programs, jobs, or options are out there for someone like me who’s got skills, drive, but no resources?
Go to your local libraries; the most beneficial programs are likely to be local to you, and the librarians are more likely to know about them than we are.
flocciput
Rely on those programs while you still can: https://www.ala.org/news/2025/03/ala-statement-white-house-a...
soufron
Dont look for answers online. Go meet with a social worker and seek professional help within your community. It's there. They've seen it before. They can help.
I never thought I’d be here—but I’ve hit a wall I can’t break through alone. I’m asking for help, advice, ideas—anything practical—to get off the streets and back into stability.
In the last year, I lost my mother (cancer), my grandmother (old age), and went through a divorce. I spiraled into depression, ended up living out of my car, barely functioning.
But I didn’t stay down. Through therapy, ketamine treatment, and building my own AI-assisted mental health tools (ChatGPT literally saved me), I’ve come out stronger, healthier, and ready to rebuild. My mental health is solid now—I’ve done the inner work.
Here’s my situation:
I’m living in my car, staying in cheap motels when I can afford it.
I drive Lyft/Uber full-time, but my car needs new tires, insurance renewal, and a payment due—without it, I can’t work. $400 for tires, $200 for insurance, $290 for car payment..
I have a desktop computer but nowhere stable to set it up and work.
I’m going back to school soon for computer science, aiming for AI/ML work, but I need to survive until student aid or inheritance (both delayed) arrives.
Here’s my question: What would YOU do in my situation to break the cycle? How can I create a stable base, get back to programming/freelancing, and stop just surviving?
I’m willing to work. I know I can earn 3-4x more doing freelance tech, but I can’t do that from a car.
I’ve thought about renting office space, finding roommates, even setting up a GoFundMe, but I need actionable ideas, not just hope.
How do I climb out of this? What programs, jobs, or options are out there for someone like me who’s got skills, drive, but no resources?
Any advice, ideas, or help you can give—I’m all ears. I’ve rebuilt my mind. Now I just need a stable place to rebuild my life. It's hard feeling constantly like I'm in quick sand and the rope is 5 inches too far away.
I'm in Southern Utah (St George), willing to relocate to SLC area or Las Vegas, I just need to stay local for my kids...4 hour radius from southern Utah.